I’m not above preying upon a 3rd grader’s spelling deficiency. I’ve let far too many potentially hilarious situations slip through my fingers without letting them see the light of day. Must have been my conscience…hmmm…. In any case, my brother and I regularly volunteer to “review” my mom’s corrected papers – for the sole reason of finding something as hilarious as this:
Stupid kid. She forgot to capitalize the first word in her sentence.
I’m determined. I’m vowing from here on out, for the rest of my life, to never sleep for more than 8 hours. Why? I think I waste a lot of time sleeping, and even though sleep feels amazing, a lot of other things make me feel equally awesome (being awake, for example). In any case, that’s my new resolution – and it’s been working out really well.
At first, it was a little hard to go from 9ish hours to a flat 8 or less, but after a few weeks at it, I’m having trouble sleeping for more than 8. Next question: is it healthy? Yep. How do I know? Newsweek told me. They say we need 7 hours of sleep to function properly, and since I figure that 9 is way too much, 8 is a perfect medium. You never know though, maybe I’ll ween myself down that far at some point.
This BBC article says that sleep varies person to person, which I think has got to be true – but I think it’s working out. Like Gustav Graves says in Die Another Day, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Seems like a much more effective use of my time, no?
I was on my lender page for Kiva.org and was looking at some of the amazing folks around the world I’ve been able to have contact with. The six I’ve loaned to so far range from Cambodia to Kenya and are truly working for better lives for themselves. It’s just amazing to me that through micro-loaning, in increments as low as $25, you can really change someone’s life. I’m not exactly raking in loads of cash, but $25 really isn’t that much money – and yet, it’s helping someone else a world away tenfold of what it would have helped me. It just started me thinking on random acts of kindness and whatnot, and how such little things can really change the world…
As an aside, this was what I saw on my New Yorker desk calendar this morning:
Published in The New Yorker May 15, 2006. Copyright Pat Byrnes.
It made me laugh. Oh, New Yorker, you and your comedy…what will we do with you?
I’m a damn good waiter. I’m attentive, have a great memory, and can talk for hours about the extensive menu. In no way do I intend to stay in the industry for very much longer, but it’s a great paying summer job. The toughest part about the job, really, is putting up with customers. I’m not anti-social. I’m not condescending or inconsiderate. I just can’t wrap my head around some of the conversations I’m forced to have.
Customer #1: I’d like an Iced Coffee.
Me: Sure, not a problem. I’ll be right back with that.
Customer #1: (When I return) – There are ice cubes in here. I don’t want ice cubes.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you asked for Iced Coffee.
Customer #1: Well, yes, but not with ice in it. Who gets ice in their coffee?
Me: *Blank stare*….. Can I do anything else for you then ma’m?
Customer #1: You can take these ice cubes out.
Me: Sure, let me just go get you a new cup.
Customer #1: Can’t you just do it here? You just have to take a spoon or something and lob them out…
Me: We don’t….do that here… *Sigh*
Later in the day…
Customer #2: Do you have anything like a hamburger here?
Me: Unfortunately we don’t serve hamburgers, but we do serve an Antelope Cheeseburger which is very similar. It tastes a little sweeter than beef and it’s not very gamy.
Customer #2: But what is it made out of, pork…or beef?
Me: No, it’s Antelope.
Customer #2: So is that venison or something?
Customer #2: Ma’m, no, Antelope is an animal. It’s…just a separate animal.
Customer #3 (sitting next t Customer #2): It’s like a gazelle, or an elk or something.
Customer #2: It’s got to be really gamy, then, right? Where do they come from, Africa?
Me: No, it’s not gamy at all. And our Antelope is domestic and comes from out west – it’s all free range.
Customer #2: Oh, there’s so much going on in Africa and Iraq right now – who knows where that elk has been. I’ll just have the Cobb Salad.
If you’re a fellow server and need to satisfy some of your pent up customer induced rage, visit the Waiter Rant website. I borrowed their name for this post, and I have to admit, sometimes I wonder if he has it worse than I do…
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